#2 Woman - Creator - Explorer

Nancy’s Identity Story

Nancy shared the three identities most central to who she is as ‘Woman’, ‘Creator’, ‘Explorer’. Her story is shaped by her childhood experience, growing up in a female centred family, and this has provided the foundation of her identity through her life.

Her story is one of exploration and evolution, told thoughtfully. It was clear to me, hearing this story, how Nancy’s creative and exploratory identities are manifest in an intellectual restlessness and curiosity, which has driven her.

Nancy’s Identity Story

The heart of my identity is as a woman, because i come from a strongly female centric family, i have two sisters and went went to an all girls school, then into single sex halls for University. This is not a static identity: it’s changed over time as i became a mother to two daughters and then a grandmother too. I cannot imagine what it is like to be a man.

My second identity is as a creator, across different disciplines: as an artist, through writing, into food and recipes.

Making things is an important part of my identity, and filters across many of the things that i do: being a creator comes into my work, and i believe i am seen as a creative person, but through a lens of science.

My third identity is as an ‘Explorer’ because i am always curious, and also travel. I see my personal creative and work efforts as part of a broader exploration - the work of creating and doing.

For me, being an explorer is about travelling, and living in different countries and cultures: literally putting myself into some else’s shoes.

This aspect of my identity has changed over time: when i was younger i was quite shy, and did not travel much, but over the course of my life i have left that shyness behind, and now, with my husband, have learned to love travel. His childhood was one of constant motion, and now that movement is part of our lives too.

There is some crossover between my identities: when i go into a ‘work’ meeting i am clearly seen as a woman (and a small woman at that, not a gigantic man!). I go into meetings knowing this: it frames my experience, and i believe that it gives me a different perspective or way of handling things.

Most people know all my identities - or perhaps not all of them - certainly these main three.

I have some ‘quieter’ identities that perhaps are not known to everyone. The legacy identity of being shy is one of those: not many people would recognise that in me now.

If i think back to how an identity was formed - my identity as a woman - as i said i grew up in a female dominated family - and through my school and family experience i was always taught, or learned, that i did not have limits. If something needed doing, one of the women would do it: there was no ‘ask Tom to fix the car’. At school there was never a conversation about “i’m a girl and you are a boy and hence we do different things”. I think that has stayed with me: i never learned what i was not supposed to be able to do.

Whilst i’ve always had a curiosity inside me, and used to drive my mother mad by constantly asking ‘why’, the unlocking of that drive to explore came with my husband. A way we changed each other perhaps. Because of his childhood experience, always moving, he gave me a framework of confidence, within which i could learn to explore.

My identity has never been challenged, but it has certainly changed: most notably as a woman going through life. You change both your mind and body: becoming a parent, a grandparent, as a woman your body changes and changes your identity in quite clear and sometimes sudden ways.

I think that i own my identity, but the ways that others see me can have some impact.

Identity is not real: it’s a perception, and perceptions are based on belief, input, experiences. So it’s not real. It’s how you compare yourself with others, how you experience the world. How you describe yourself within the world. How others describe you as well.

It’s all perception really.

At brief points as a mother you can feel trapped within your identity: a feeling that ‘I cannot escape’, not even for a minute. Sometimes even i cannot get to the toilet by myself! But that identity changes over time.

I remember one example of when i hid an identity: we were in a bar, travelling, younger, maybe in our thirties, with a group of young men, Masters degree candidates. I hid my identity as a mother, saying instead that i was a ‘Crisis Management Executive’, which fascinated them!

I did this because otherwise i would have felt isolated or cut off from the conversations, in fact i fear i would not have been valued for who i was.

I am not the same person i used to be: i have evolved. Physically but also inside; some things change you in distinct ways: others more slowly. I used to do a lot of art, but switched to drama. I did not completely change, but it created opportunity for me. I am still an artist! It’s not an identity i’ve left behind. That’s why i gave you the identity of ‘Creator’, not simply an artist!

My online identity is perhaps more narrow than my ‘real’ one, more of a work focus. I don’t think people see the whole of ‘me’ online. For example, in real life i can be a bit silly at times, but i only let that aspect touch my ‘work’ life in certain contexts or ways. I think people would be surprised if they saw that version of me.